Exactly four weeks from today, I graduate college.
About three weeks after that, I move to Guatemala.
I’ve been thinking of polished ways to say this for some time now, but there’s no way around it. So there it is. Bam. I’m graduating college. Bam. I’m moving to Central America.
A few people have asked me how I feel about it. If it’s hit me. If I’m keeping a daily countdown. The answer to all of these questions is no.
Am I excited? Um, YES. Of course. Duh. Am I scared? Well, I think the question you’re really asking here is Hey Michelle, are you a human? In which case, the answer is also yes. Of course. Duh.
Occasionally, it occurs to me as I drive to school in the morning that there are a limited number of quiet morning drives that are left. I catch myself staring at street signs, trying to absorb every last detail of their American flavor for the moments where I am sure I will miss them. I savor the seconds I have left with my bookshelves. My pack stares back at me as I try to finish homework. I wonder how I’ll fit my whole life inside of it.
I read a quote a few weeks ago that says if something both terrifies and amazes you, then you should do it. Of course, this is within reason. Discretion is totally advised.
(Please don’t go swimming recklessly with sharks because you’re terrified of them but amazed by what you saw in Sharknado. Please, no.)
But as I think about packing my life up and moving to Central America for six months, I’m both scared (asdfghjkl) and amazed (!!!!!!) at all the possibilities that lie ahead.
But I know it will be good because Jesus is good. Maybe that’s naïve. A few people have told me that. But I know his heart and I trust him. He’s proved himself again and again and again and again. He loves me. He takes care of me. He has good plans.
In the last few months, I’ve come face to face with the stunning realization that I matter to him. My heart matters to him. This little life of mine is important to him, and he pays attention. He hears me. And his heart for adventure is calling out to mine.
He looks at me and says, “You are worth every risk.”
And for the first time in my life, I’m starting to believe him.
People keep asking me why I’m moving to Guatemala and it’s been tough to summarize, but here it is: I want the heartbeat of heaven. I want my life to echo the love that Jesus pours out over me. And for this season of my life, this is what it looks like. Moving to Guatemala. Joining this missions base. Crossing one bridge at a time.
I’m moving to Guatemala because there’s a bigger story unfolding and I’ve been invited by the King to be a part of it. And I don’t want to miss that. Whatever the cost, I don’t want to miss his heart.
Because beyond everything else that vies for my attention, my heart sings one song, and it’s this: I honestly believe he’s worth every risk, too.